No Turning Back Now
by andinthatmoment
Summary: Beca finds herself in the hardest situation she could ever imagine, she shuts Jesse out, her go to option when things get to hard, so he writes her a letter. One shot of the though process Beca faced after she had found out her life changing news.


**Based on the Song No Turning Back Now by Drew Gasparini Sung by Jeremy Jordan. You should defiantly search it on YouTube, it's amazing. I've swapped the roles round in the story as it is originally sung by a boy, but the story is in Beca's POV**

* * *

Beca looked at the letter she had read about 30 times, it was currently scrunched up, tear stained and ripped and looking rather Sorry for itself on her bed. She took a deep breath.

She had her whole future planned out, she was moving to LA. It had been her plan as long as she could remember, but now putting it all into context, where would that take her? There were millions of people all trying to the same job as Beca and she would most likely end up just stacking CD's in a slightly better radio station than the one she worked in part time currently. She had no idea where her dreams were going to take her. She had all this baggage, all this excess negativity from her childhood, the only light given to her was music, it was all she had ever known. Well until a certain boy walked into her life and flipped it upside down, making her feel things she'd never felt before, changing her view on the world, making her happy. He saved her.  
_What a dick._

She had tried to maintain her quick witted, sarcastic, 'don't mess with me' attitude but Jesse had seen right through it, he had slowly broken down all her walls and she could see herself falling in love with him, loving him. But now the fear and realness was kicking in, they had to grow up fast, there was no time for acting like kids now. They'd made their mistake, committed their crime, there was no turning back now.

She picked up the letter again, it was barely even legible now, fresh tears threatened to fall down her already tear stained face.  
She had told him, she had panicked and then she had left. Jesse being the idiot he was just _had_ to be there for her, posting this letter through the letter box of their family house the same evening.

She had never faced anything as painful as this situation, physically or mentally, she had broken bones, been punched in the face but nothing hit harder than this. She had seen her family divided into two, she had lost people she loved, again, nothing was harder than the constant battle she was having with herself right now. She had no idea where she stood, she felt as if the world was going to swallow her whole. She didn't know if this was a dream, could she question the responsibilities that she now faced, throw them away, forget they ever existed. Jesse had told her everything someone in her position should have wanted to hear, it was right there, in the letter.

She could leave, find somewhere else, someone else. Forget this had ever happened. Forget him. She could do this alone, she didn't want to ruin his life, no matter what he had insisted, he wasn't ready to give up on his dreams for this mistake. She was not ready to be a mother, he isn't ready to be a father_. She's only 17 for Christ sake,_ right now all she wanted was her mum, she wanted her to kiss her on her head and tell her it would all be okay, she would wake up and everything would be all better like she did when she was a kid. But no, that couldn't be done, there was no turning back from this.

Everything had been going great, she had great friends, a great boyfriend and a great life but now suddenly she was shrunken, she felt useless. She didn't give a fuck about anything. But Jesse trusted her. He loves her, it was right there in that stupid letter that had been read and reread again and again. He loved her. But what does that mean? Would he still be saying that if this hadn't happened? Was he only saying it because this had happened? How was he sure their love was real, her parents thought they had loved each other once and look how that had turned out.

She was a coward, he had taken responsibility for what had happened and she had turned him away.  
He probably had already spoken to his dad, had a 'man to man'. It said in the letter that Beca could move in, his parents had already discussed it. Beca wished she had her dad to speak to her right now, maybe if her dad had been around she wouldn't be in this mess, or if she had still managed to do this, he might have some useful advice.  
But she couldn't talk to her dad, because he had left her. He walked out on his teenage daughter and wife to go and start a new family, no kids. Beca lived with that rejection for years, there was no way her child was going to grow up without their dad. She knew now, she needed Jesse. She loved Jesse.

This was a mistake, but it was theirs to make and they were going to take responsibility. She'll brave through the pain. She's got time, she has nine months to get her shit together, Jesse has nine months to get his together. She would finish school by then, she would have A levels, she could start a life. She had savings, Jesse had savings, they both had jobs. They could do this.

He would protect her, he loves her, he told her so in the letter.  
He had shown her he was a man, and now she had to man up too. He wasn't going to let her down.  
She's 17, a mum to be, there's no turning back now.


End file.
